Public Enemy #1: Fall Out Boy

Its a well-known fact that the MTV generation has an collective IQ equivalent to a cocker spaniol. That would explain the popularity of quite possibly the worst band I've ever heard: Fall Out Boy. The Fall Out Boy phenomenon is spreading like herpes among teenagers all over America. Their whiny, semi-angst filled lyrics seem to hit nerve among the ever-increasing number of pussy emo kids in country. Not only are the songs bad, the music videos are even worse. The "Sugar We're Going Down" video features this whiny Antler-Boy who is trying to date this girl despite his deformities--at least I think thats whats going on. Not only can the average rock/rap loving American NOT understand the lyrics to every Fall Out Boy song, we'd have to be on crack to understand their videos too.

Videos that are metaphors for teen angst + cryptic lyrics = SUCK

Now don't get me wrong, there are plenty of bands that make use of uncreative lyrics and cliche sayings. Also, there are plenty more bands that have lead singers who sound like they have their mouths stuffed with marbles. But lets not talk about Nirvana, who still rocked despite all these things. Every time I hear "Sugar We're Going Down" I want to cram a spoon up my ass just so I can focus on a different sort of pain. In addition, how do you think I felt when I played Madden 2006 for the first time and heard "Dance, Dance" as I prepare to conquer the gridiron. Nothing pumps a man up for a good ole game of football like hearing Fall Out Boy, right?

I urge all of you to put on your finest emo-busting gear and take these hippies out, so we may all rest in piece. I wish I had the time and skill to come up with something like this too: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4435593179243241083&q=fall+out+boy

The 5 Greatest College Football Teams of All Time

The Rose Bowl is officially over, and the Texas Longhorns pull out the upset defeating the 2005 USC Trojans, the "Greatest Team of All Time". It's ironic that this Southern Cal team was touted as the greatest team in recent history, considering that the previous year's team put out a better product. We had basically every sportscaster, writer, and average Joe on the street telling us how great SC was. And if ESPN says its true, it must be. I mean, they ARE the authority on everything. I now think its time to re-evaluate who the top 5 greatest teams of all time are, well according to popular belief anyways.

1. 2005 USC Trojans



Yes, despite losing to Texas, the Trojans are still the #1 team in the universe. I mean, they'd have to be after ESPN ran a 100 part series on their invincibility. They only lost because they were tired from saving Earth from a Klingon invasion, curing cancer, and saving trapped miners in West Virginia all in a span of 4 hours. Not to mention that the Matt Leinart contracted syphilis from screwing a dozen cheerleaders 8 minutes prior to kickoff. Texas just caught SC on a bad night, and somehow managed to pay off the refs too.

2. 2005 Texas Longhorns


Ah, the Longhorns of Texas. They stood toe to toe with the Masters of the Universe and manage to cheat them out of the National Championship, and also sully their newly christened "Greatest Team of All Time" title. While the genius Pete Carroll was on the sidelines solving the most difficult differential calculus problem known to man, Vince Young raced past the entire USC defense. Yet, it must be noted that he also cheated, as before the game he shot up with steroids and stole experimental rocket shoes from Area 51. How else can you explain him shredding the USC defense for 199 yards on the ground? The same defense that managed to stop Nazi Germany's invasion of Russia a mere 60 years earlier. Yes, that's right---USC is immortal also.

3. 2005 Notre Dame Fighting Irish



They took the Trojans warriors to the wire, so this must automatically make them one of the greatest teams of all time if they were able to stand up the might of the exceptional SC team. Simply put, the Irish cheated. Everyone knows its unfair to have an NFL coach come and exploit your vaunted defense! Plus, it didn't help that Brady Quinn's sultry sister was out boinking the entire SC team til they were exhausted. Had they played this game before Matt Leinart screwed Laura stupid, they would've scored no less than 1470 points against the Irish defense. Btw, did you know that Laura Quinn is dating Ohio State linebacker A.J. Hawk? I'd never heard of that before today! They should've done a story about that during the entire Orange Bowl broadcast.

4. 2005 Fresno St. Bulldogs



The lowly Bulldogs from the WAC. Not so lowly now! They almost managed to stick with USC, which makes them the fourth greatest team in the history of college football. Little does everyone know, this game was actually played on Xbox and televised on Fox Sports Network, giving the impression it was a real game. Reggie Bush was trying to play the game with only one hand on the controller too, hence the reason the Trojans struggled for so long.

5. 2005 Arizona St. Sun Devils


A team managed to take a 21-3 halftime lead on the juggernaut that is USC? To be honest, if you notice USC was drinking and tanning on the sidelines. Once they had some coffee and sobered up, they destroyed ASU in the second half. Once again, Matt Leinart was distracted from humping a bunch of hot ASU coeds.